The Scarlet Mark

I woke up late this morning. Luckily, it was one of my free days, where I get to just sleep and relax. After all, I was out all night partying (got drunk out of my mind too). Once I got home, I fell on the bed, clothing on, lights blazing, television on ESPN with the lastest news of the Euro Cup, etc.

Then I accessed my computer and noticed some of my people had updated their blogs. I'm new into this writing business. Sometimes, it's troublesome having to choose the 'right' words. I'm the kind of guy that says stuff to people: face to face. It's much easier. When I write, I don't worry about repeated words or 'wrong punctuation use'. I just say what I think. I'm practical. I'm a number man more than a word man, but have one word too many when needed in an oral argument ( ;) Let's just say words never fail me)

So there's a lot of news going on around.

I read the Ophelia's update (and i'm not putting 'her' and LINKING it, cause it's already too used! I bet no one has used OPHELIA before! HA! That's the DELTON originality. AHEM.) <-- That aside.

I want to talk with her, though she's not talking to me for some unknown reason. I read her post and I had a desire to just hold her in my arms, and not out of pity, mind you... that type of women aren't meant to be pitied; but because she seemed so very dear to me as I read what she thought. How loneliness can be so very scary, and how we thrive to be loved and be in the company of another. What is real fear? How do we control it? How do we apply the inevitable phrase of "fear nothing but fear itself"? Can we be that strong? Can we keep fighting even if we're left by the person we love the most?

Ah... Katzereine. She reminds me of the song 'Blackbird':

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life; you were only waiting for this moment to arise"

Walking by oneself... can be awfully alone. Yet, I think... there's always someone watching, someone caring for you. If you didn't have at least one person by your side, then you'd be some kind of monster, and the pain would never be able to go. And you need other people if you want to grow, if you want to make something out of yourself. Then again, Giovanni's right too. It's not about 'if'. It's about wanting and desiring and healing yourself and walking, walking... playing, going for it. It's building up the adrenaline until you've finally reached your goal. And it's okay to be scared, it's okay if you don't know if you'll make it. You don't always have to know where you're kicking the ball. Sometimes they'll jump at you from anywhere, sometimes you become the only player in your team, but you have to keep yourself focused. You want to run, you want to make it, you want to find yourself. The moment you have that inside you, strategy and mistakes combine into making you the lead position of the team.

I don't think men are naturally evil. Maybe that makes me naive, but I don't believe in it. I think that hurting someone while trying to achieve something for yourself is something that's to be forgiven. It's not our fault that we're not perfect. It's not our fault that we have to fight our way towards decency. It's just human nature to hurt and be hurt, but that's the only way that we learn and it's fine. You don't mean to do so. Those who love you will understand. They'll be rewarded with the person you'll become, with the fulfilling of your personal encounter with the true you. It's fine. What matters is that you thrive... that you don't lose to the unknown because you're afraid.

Try it out. Try everything out. Who's there to stop you? Who wants to stop you? Blackbird, go ahead, fly, unafraid, free... if only for once escape the prison of your mind and surpass yourself. Do the wrong thing, do the right thing... LIVE. The rest doesn't matter if you're growing, if you're experimenting. We're naturally curious beings and isn't experimenting part of the package? I want to protect you, blackbird. I want to hear you sing without restraints, without worries, like you were naturally born, like we all were. If you can do that... it's okay with me.

It will all return, it will all be well, we just have to live and let others live. There are no finales, there are various new types of beginnings and changes, and only when we've breathed the last breath, it will be the end, and only that is final. Get it, Blackbird? Fly, unstopped. Your rights are there. Let the world behind you, find what you're looking for. You'll always have a nest to which return. Create a little nest for yourself, though, placing one small twig at a time. You'll be fine. No one's gonna hurt you, you won't hurt, because you're free blackbird. While you are, everything is possible.

No one's totally alone. I can't believe that. We all have someone, even if that someone is far away or present in a way we don't notice until much later. I believe in that. I believe in friendship and expanding that friendship and finding light in shadow!

I'M A BELIEVEEEEER!!! (<-- I was bound to drop off the serious boat XD)

On another note entirely...

XD I gave Marie a chocolate cake as an offering of peace (which is stupid, because she's a chef), but I figured food and chocolate keeps the world united!! :D She accepted my apologies!! I'm very greateful! Thank youuuu! :D You are one cute muffin (my stupid cousin might not be TASTELESS after all).

Linnette (Ashley's crazy friend), adviced me to take a look at the Naruto manga. Now I'm addicted. Damn it, Naruto is so cool. YEAH! That's MY WAAAAAY of ninja!

-Erix :D